Darkness
by Errol's Feather
Summary: She was standing ready to jump with nothing holding her back, surrounded by darkness.
1. Darkness

_**DISCLAIMER: **_I don't own CSI Miami and I don't make any money from it._**  
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_**Authors Note: **_Possible multiple chapter, please tell me what you think._**  
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_**Warning: Suicidle.  
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><p><em><strong>Darkness<strong>_

Darkness and utter darkness was surrounding her. She felt trapped, dragged further in to the land of no solutions. Dragged into the darkness with no chance if escaping. No one to guide her, no one to comfort her, no one to pull her back.

There was no one that could ever understand her, how she felt. How it was like to stand by the edge of the cliff ready to jump with no return. Only she knew what she was going through.

Only she knew how lost she felt that very moment, how she wanted to jump and not look back.

Oh how alone she felt as tears were streaming down her cheek as she was standing there on top of the building looking down on the sea far below her. How the waves rolled onto the still warm sand at the beach. It never rested, unlike the people, unless you counted the ones going out and having fun at all hours, or the ones that worked around the clock, much like her.

It wasn't worth it, not in the least. Devoting your life to work instead of finding someone to spend your life with. Seeing others happy with each other while she on the other hand were alone. Always alone…. A tear ran down her tanned cheek as she stepped onto the edge.

She wondered how people always told her there was both light and dark and one needed the other to survive when all she saw was darkness. She was alone on the cold roof while everyone else was wrapped up in someone's arms. It wasn't fair.

A whimper escaped her lips as she whispered, "I don't want to be alone, I don't want to feel like this."

She was shivering now, she was afraid.

Afraid of what would happen when they found her smeared over the pavement the next day. Afraid of what they would think of her.

It however didn't seem to matter, at this point nothing did.

Just then when all seemed so dark, when she was about to jump a husky voice sounded through the cold air, "Don't."

"How can I not, I have nothing left to live for, at least that is what it feels like," her voice was shivering like she was.

"What about your work, your friends, and your family?" he said.

"You don't understand," she sounded so frustrated. How could he?

"Then make me understand," his hand was on her arm now, it was as hot as she was cold.

"I feel trapped in the darkness with no reason to return, no one to hold me back," she said.

"I will hold you back as I know what it is like to be surrounded by darkness," he said.

"For what reason?" she wanted to know.

"Because I couldn't live if you died, you are the reason as to why I live," he said with a heavy sigh.

This made her turn, tears streaming from her hazel eyes as she looked at him. That was all she needed to hear. Even if the darkness was still surrounding her she was not alone. He was with her, and he would never leave her side.

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><p>Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)<p> 


	2. In the darkness of the night

_**Warning: Suicide attempt. **_

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><p><em><strong>In the darkness of the night<strong>_

She was sitting in their bathroom, a razor blade in her hand, blood dripping from a wound and down to the white tiles, making a little puddle.

Dark red on snow white. Almost like one of her favorite fairy tales. A soft smile graced her dark red lips by the thoughts of it. Dark red from the lipstick that had not yet been removed. They had been out earlier that night, out for dinner and a movie. She didn't know why, but she sometimes felt so alone when they were together. So very alone. It happened when they were working as well. She felt like he didn't see her even if she was right in front of her.

She didn't know how many times over the last five months she had thought, "See me, I'm right here."

"Handsome," she whispered, hearing his quiet snores from their bedroom that was right next to the bathroom. She wanted him to rescue her like he had the night on the roof. She wanted him to hold her back, like he had done before. Tell her that everything would be okay.

She dragged the blade over her wrist once more, the pain on the skin seemed to take away some of the pain inside of her. The darkness seemed to surround her once more, still by every cut it seemed like a cocoon was building around her. Like she was finding some kind of peace.

Another cut, more droplets of blood dripping on to the floor. She was starting to feel dizzy and struggling to keep her eyes up, to stay conscious. The blade dropped out of her hand and onto the floor, her hand lay open right above it, not able to lift it up. The other hand reached for a towel that was hanging close by. She managed to tear it down; it landed in the blood pool that was starting to surround her. And there it would stay as her eyes slowly closed.

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><p>He opened his eyes not long after hers closed, because he could sense she was no longer resting next to him. The scent of her was no longer present, or the feeling of her body next to his. He let his eyes get used to the dark seeing she was not in the bedroom at all, but there was light coming from underneath the door leading to the bathroom. Not unusual as she sometimes went there to go to the toilet or have a glass of water. The only difference was that she always came back to him, but now she hadn't.<p>

He never could forget how he found her on the roof of the lab that dark night five months ago. She was standing there ready to jump to escape her horrors, her pain. It had hurt him to the deepest of his soul to see her like that. See how a strong woman like her was torn down to nothing. He knew that if anything ever happened to her he would break into a million pieces and most likely never recover. That was how much he loved her.

That was also why he after that kept and extra eye on her and was very cautious as to how she was and where. Like now.

The redhead sighed and got out of bed, wondering how long she had been in there for. It could be anything from ten minutes to over and hour. She sometimes did that, needed time alone which he freely granted her. He didn't push her to tell him something if she wasn't ready. Afraid of losing her again he didn't want her to feel trapped or cornered. In the end she came back to him and shared with him of her troubles if that was needed.

Out of respect for her privacy he knocked gently on the door saying, "Sweetheart."

No answer, could she have fallen asleep in there. He felt the handle, the door was locked. She never locked it. His heart was starting to rise as he threw himself at the door, trying to bust it open. In the end he succeeded.

He gasped when he saw her there, one hand next to the blade, the other towards the towel like she regretted her actions for some reason. He sat down beside her, not caring about the blood as he felt for her pulse. It was still there, but very weak.

"Sweetheart," he whispered, grabbing a less bloody towel to press against her wrist, trying to stop the bleeding, not wanting her to leave her.

In a blurry voice she whispered, "I'm not invisible."

"No, sweetheart, you never are, what makes you think so?" he wanted to know, wondering if he should call an ambulance or not.

"I feel like you are not seeing me," she said, somehow just managing to open her eyes.

"I always see you, I am sorry if I ever made you feel otherwise," he whispered, as he pulled her halfway onto his lap.

"It's just that sometimes feel so alone, Horatio, I don't want to feel that way when I'm with you," she said, her voice sounded broken like she had to be at this very point.

He nodded not knowing how to respond to this. He carefully lifted her up and carried her back to bed where he lay her down. He hoped the cut or cuts weren't so deep that they needed to check them out at this very moment, that way they could have the night together.

She looked at him through her haze whispering, "I don't want the blood to ruin your perfect sheets."

"Please do not worry about that, the sheets can be replaced, you however are irreplaceable," he said, gently stroking her cheek.

She blushed slightly, smiling at him saying, "I'm so tired."

"Then you should rest," he said in the softest tone.

"Only if you hold me close," she whispered, her eyes slowly shutting themselves. Shielding her from this world. He held her close, stroking her ever so gently, not being able to sleep. Wondering why she hadn't come to him instead of doing this. Maybe he was too hard to talk to or the subject was too touchy. He sighed heavily, looking at the sleeping beauty in his arms.

Carefully he bent down to kiss her forehead, making her let out a sound of pleasure, snuggling closer. He never knew, but in her sleep she was feeling safe. In her dreams they were happy. His warmth was spreading onto her and making a new cocoon around her. Around them, covering them in the darkness of the night. Making colorful dots fill her darkness. A smile graced her red lips in her sleep, making her look even more beautiful.

He smiled back at her knowing he had to make sure she was seen even more, try to change her ways of thinking. He knew the road might be long, but she wouldn't have to walk it alone, he would be there every step of the way. That was a promise he made himself that night as his queen was sleeping every so peacefully letting out little sounds every now and again.

He snuggled close, resting his head against her shoulder, finding peace with her as the early morning sun was peeking through the window.

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><p>Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)<p> 


	3. Guiding Star

_**Guiding Star**_

It was night and a cover of darkness was wrapped around the city of Miami. Still even then underneath the many stars the city was as alive as it should have been daytime.

Natalia that had been working almost nonstop the last week, and hardly had sleep was starting to feel tired. On her way to the break room she looked up at the many sparkling dots on the sky. Little bright dots trying to chase away the darkness.

She smiled as she could hear the sound of Horatio's footsteps nearing her. She could recognize them anywhere. She turned to face him, saying, "Do you want some coffee as well, handsome?"

"New or old?" he asked her.

"New, poured out the old to make new," she answered with a small smile. One of the things they had in common was that they hated old, half-warm coffee.

"Then I'll have a cup," he said and smiled at her.

She nodded and took a cup out of the closet with the logo Miami Dade PD and poured the coffee in before handing it over. He looked over at her, she was looking tired, on the edge of exhaustion, her eyes were dull rather than sparkly, her golden skin looked pale from too much work and too little sunlight, her hair was messy and she seemed to have forgotten about makeup this very morning. Not that he minded, to him she would always be beautiful.

As he took the cup, he asked, "Do you need time off to rest, sweetheart?"

"No, I'm fine. It is good of you to ask, but I'll be okay," she answered.

"Are you sure about that?" he asked, afraid she might get thrown of the edge again, afraid he might lose her.

"Horatio, you don't need to be concerned, as long as you are here I'll always find a way out of the darkness. Like the stars that right now lighting up the sky outside, you'll always be my guiding star," she said and smiled at him.

The redheaded lieutenant blushed mildly, not knowing what to say, he just stood there with a foolish grin on his face. Natalia giggled before she gave him a peck on the cheek saying, "I love you too."

He just chuckled watching her leave, knowing he would never more have to worry about her injuring herself in any way like she had before. As she said he was her guiding star and he didn't plan on leaving her side anytime soon.

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><p>Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)<p> 


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